


the sun also sets

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Multi, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-08-15 23:06:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8076439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: the red washingdown the bathtubcan’t change the color of the seaat all.—derrick brown





	1. Chapter 1

When he was young, Koutarou would never be caught alone.

As he sat on his bathroom floor with his wrists bleeding, staining his shirt and his pants before dripping onto the cold tile, he tried to laugh at the irony of him dying, lonely, by his own hand.

He had nothing left—everything else, he’d ruined in such spectacularly short time. He was useless in volleyball (had thrown away his scholarship and any hope for a future career he’d ever had), he was nothing but a disappointment to his family (the hatred in his mother’s eyes had been clear when he came out to her), and the only two people who’d ever loved him wanted nothing to do with him anymore (Keiji left first and Tetsu eventually followed him).

Amber eyes stared at growing puddles of red— _so much blood, so much blood_ —and Koutarou found himself crying. He always cried too much.

_He’s too much of a hassle emotionally._

_That kid’s just not reliable._

_Isn’t it a shame? So much talent wasted on someone who can’t use it._

For being alone in his bathroom, alone in his apartment, alone in his life—everything was too loud. Every voice in his head screamed at him the comments that people said, that friends had whispered when they thought he was out of earshot, that he’d carved out on his own arms with a razor.

Failure.

He was a failure.

Twenty-one years and here he was, more of a failure than ever.

Koutarou felt the wetness roll down his cheeks and he realized at that moment that he wasn’t dying quickly enough—he hadn’t cut deep enough. Everything stung and hurt and he _wasn’t dying quickly enough_.

He thought of how deeply Keiji had once loved him—deep green eyes watching him wordlessly as the setter held him and played with his hair through one of his many bad days—and he remembered how Tetsu had always been there for him—legs tangled together in bed as his best friend cracked jokes just to make him smile a little bit—and he found his resolve.

He had failed them one too many times already; he wouldn’t fail them now.

His hands shook as he picked up the bloody blade, but Koutarou steadied himself. No backing out now. With a firm grip and dull eyes, he tilted his head back until the skin on his throat was pulled taut and drug the razor across his neck in one decided motion.

They say that your life flashes before your eyes the moment that you die. It should, then, say something that all Koutarou sees are lazily lidded eyes and the messiest bedhead before he thinks a final thought.

_Won’t my roommates get automatic A’s in all of their courses this semester now?_


	2. [update on the author]

hey, guys.

firstly i just want to thank each and every one of you for your concern and kind remarks. it meant a lot to me when i saw the comments that you all cared but also that you seemed to enjoy the writing to a certain extent.

i'm very sorry if i stressed anyone out and if worried anyone. i was not still supposed to be here, but here i am. i'm in a better place mentally, as well, so i hope that you all can take a breather and not worry about me now. i'm sorry if this clogs up anyone's tags or notifs or anything, i just wanted to make it clear that i am alive and that i will be okay. despite it not being my intention to survive, i did and i'm doing much better now.

thank you, everyone.

**Author's Note:**

> instead of writing my suicide note, i wrote this. it felt more genuine.
> 
> dedicated to my keiji and tetsu.


End file.
